I never felt good enough. Which is insane because when I think about who I am, I do really like this chick.

• Ever feel like a win doesn’t feel that sweet?
• That you aren’t as happy as you’d hoped despite everything being good?
• That no matter what you do, you never feel like who you want to be?
• That no matter how hard you try, you never measure up to how you think you should be?
• That you never feel good enough, no matter what you do?

Your problem isn’t that you aren’t good enough, it’s judging yourself with hindsight bias and measuring up against a future version of yourself that’s always going to be more.

Struggling With Feeling Good Enough?

I realised that the reason why I never felt good enough was because I hadn’t accepted that I always was and always will be, only as good as I am in this very moment.

This realisation hit me after I had just MC-ed an event. I did a good job, some mistakes, but none that ruined the flow or left me standing there looking stupid. I came off stage and so many people came up to tell me I’d done a good job. But these weren’t ordinary compliments—they were ‘OMG I could just see the love from you seeping out’, or ‘your eyes literally sparkled with joy’, or ‘you were totally and completely yourself, and that was powerful.’

These compliments were by no means superficial. They indicated that I had reached people—that I had spoken to their soul, not just their bodies and minds.

I was happy too, because I did feel like I’d done well, and I had so much fun doing it.

My MC-ing outfit.

Yet there was this underlying feeling of not feeling good enough, thinking; ‘I should have done better’, ‘why didn’t I do ‘x’?’ and ‘I should have thought of ‘y’’. And in that moment—surrounded by all these people telling me I was awesome, feeling awesome, but also like I’d kind of failed in some way—I realised where I had been going wrong with the way I framed things in my head my whole life.  

I couldn’t have done better, because if I could have, I would have.

I didn’t do ‘x’, because if I’d known to do it, I would have.

I couldn’t have thought of ‘y’, because if I could have, I would have.

What I realised was that I was judging myself with hindsight, which kept me from ever feeling good enough.

I will always be, only as good as I can be in the moment I’m in.

Growth Mindset Vs Comparative Mindset

You can still aim to become better, to grow and learn. Accepting yourself where you are right now does not stop you from becoming more, it just stops you from being dissatisfied with who you are now.

• You can still become more
• You will never be done
• You will never measure up
• You are wonderful for growing, not for your growth

Rather than beating myself up for all the mistakes I made on stage, what I needed to be thinking was: ‘Next time, I can totally do better’, ‘In future, I’ll remember to do x’, and ‘When I do this again, I’ll think of y’.

I had been so focused on becoming better my whole life that I ended up dissatisfied with who I was.

I could see so clearly this person I wanted to become, and I never measured up.

What I know now is that I will never measure up—because that person I see myself as is always growing and evolving, and I am always growing and evolving behind that vision. It’s not something I can ever catch up to.

Since this realisation, I have become so much more accepting of myself, finally feeling good enough in what I would have called ‘failures’ in the past. It’s a radical shift inside me that has reframed my entire life.

You Will Never Measure Up to Your Dreams

Hopefully, your dreams are big and bold and brave. You shouldn’t dim your light to make it manageable, achievable, or acceptable. If you have that drive, that thirst for growth so fierce that it’s like the need for oxygen – or maybe you are just deeply insecure and have learnt to grow because you’ve always felt less than, either way, you’ll never make it.

It’s just not human to be satisfied or stagnant.

Aiming for more is fantastic. It is what drives innovation, pushes people to success and makes us strong, capable and brilliant people. Just never live under the illusion that you will ever ‘get there’ because ‘there’ is constantly moving.

Of course, there are still times when I think I could have done better, regardless of this changed mindset. But when you think about it—you really can’t. There aren’t many moments in my life where I am not doing my best.

Then why would I beat myself up for every small decision that I should have done differently when I look back? You can’t.

Doing Your Best is Contextual

Your best is an interesting concept; especially for neurodivergent people. We often take things so literally that we try to give 100% in every domain in our lives only to be entirely burnt out from it because that’s not possible.

What giving 100% really means is to do your best in every area you can with the capacity you have. A rich person can donate half their capital to charity and still provide for themselves and their families, a poor person would starve if they did that. That poor person’s best might be giving someone on the street $1 coin.

There will always be more you can do; more you can give – you have to accept that you also need to learn discrimination just as much as giving service.

Would you like to be someone who yells at your child? Probably not. But if they are about to walk out on the road, I bet you’d yell at them then to stop.

So then why would that context shift the standard, but when it comes to ‘your best’ it doesn’t apply?

Sometimes we might be moody with our partner because we are tired from lack of sleep, yet we beat ourselves up. ‘I should have gone to bed earlier’ or whatever it is. Well, maybe that is true, but at the same time – how could you have known that your neighbour’s dog would bark at the air that night and keep you up? It doesn’t mean we aren’t doing our best to be as kind as possible with the limited sleep deprived brain cells rolling around our heads.

If you know, in your heart and soul, that you are someone who is always doing their best in every moment you can—then why on earth would you think you aren’t good enough?

Feeling Good Enough Now

You are good enough!

You are good enough right now.

You will always be, as good as you are right now—because all you have is now.  

You need to accept feeling good enough, and let it become your identity.

It is not a state of mind, or attention focus, or a daily choice, it’s an identity shift.

You need to know with every fibre of your being that you are good enough exactly as you are right now.

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t grow, learn, change, develop, and all that other stuff – but if you are someone who is doing their best in life, being reflective about their shortcomings, (working on themselves and all that other jazz); Then there is no way that you aren’t already an awesome human being!

You are good enough right now, because you exist only now. Not in the past, not in the future, but in this space and time now. And whether you are sick, tired, hungover, or broke, it doesn’t matter – because you are worthy of self-acceptance, of self-love, because you’ll never be truly happy without them.

In a moment, I will look back at this time, analyse, judge, evaluate, and learn. I will learn to be better, do better, or acknowledge I did a great job. But none of it stops this moment, right now, from being my best.

I am good enough, in each moment, right now. And you should be feeling good enough too!

For more on self-growth check out my article on Why You Can’t Change and How to Keep Going When You Slip and AuDHD Identity: You Are More Than Enough