Feel dismissed at the doctor’s office? You’re not alone—and you’re not helpless. In my companion piece on why women are so often ignored, I unpack the problem.

Here, you’ll find the tools: six field-tested strategies that make doctors sit up and listen, and how to forgive yourself when you still feel like you needed to advocate for yourself more.

Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that these tools are just that, tools. We shouldn’t need to advocate for ourselves at the doctor, just as we shouldn’t need to watch our drinks aren’t spiked, or check our backs a hundred times when walking to our car at night.

These things should not be our responsibility. But just as we shouldn’t blame ourselves if we are attacked on our way to the car, we shouldn’t blame ourselves when doctors fail us either.

The system is broken — and yet, we’re the ones who have to navigate it.
Unfortunately, it is our responsibility though.

So here are some preventative measures I try to implement into my doctor’s visits to keep myself safe, supported and healthy.

If you’re wondering why we still need to fight for basic care, read my deep dive on women being dismissed by doctors.

Take a support person

Sometimes you just need a friend. Whoever it is in your life that you have to call on, sometimes you need them. You may not feel like a trip to the doctor constitutes a support person, but when it comes to your health, why shouldn’t you have someone else there to support you?

Sometimes it just helps to remember what the doctor says, or translate what the doctor says, depending on how they explain things. Other times, it is just knowing that you are loved that is enough for you to be strong enough to advocate for yourself.

When we ask other people for help, we give them a gift in return. Being asked to help someone is an honour; it means that the other person trusts us and feels as if they can be vulnerable with us. Don’t feel like you are being a hindrance, you are honouring the person you are asking for help from.

Take a notebook

I have this notebook I call ‘the book of everything’. I use it to take down all my phone calls, things to remember, everything, with anyone; from organising my carpet delivery to asking my health insurance what is covered, I write it all down in one book. It isn’t an organised book, but it is good to know that all my personal admin exists in one place.

Some people have diaries, which work too. Alternatively, use the notes in your phone. Anything other than those random pieces of paper that you lose and get scattered across your house.

Now, how do you use this notebook to advocate for yourself?

Write it all down!

Write out your questions and write down what they say. They will be more careful with their words when you are scribing them. Also, it helps you remember.

How often do you leave the room and then think to yourself, ‘wait, he said what?’.

Personally, I often feel like doctors are these master manipulators whose goal is to get you out the door without really answering your questions. You think it’s all going fine until you get in your car to leave and you realise they’ve provided nothing of value. When you take notes, you have the book to revisit it all.

Even when prepared with a list of questions, sometimes doctors mention responses, but don’t actually provide answers. It is best to document this so you don’t get lost as to where you are in your journey, and so you can keep track of what is happening with your health, where you are up to, and what to do next.

This not only allows you to advocate, but also gives you power over your own treatment.

Those weird things they mentioned, you can Google them now because they’re written down, those alternative practices you asked about, you know which ones to focus on as you circled the ones he suggested, those potential causes are now listed.

Writing things down is powerful. It makes the doctors accountable, and you are empowered on your journey, because you don’t get so confused, you don’t forget where you are up to, and you know what to do next.

Finally, you can look at your page quickly before you leave and see if anything was left out, or if you don’t understand it.

Often, we don’t know we don’t know something until we try to explain it to someone else. If we can’t write it down, we likely don’t get it.

I wish I had written down how a Mirena is inserted because I was definitely not provided informed consent, because I did not understand how that thing worked until much later! It certainly would have made me think twice about the full implications of the procedure if I had used a notepad. 

Do your research

Doctors often complain about patients googling their own treatments. Yet what I think is worse is that we feel we need to because doctors don’t give patients enough care.

Before you go to the doctor, I suggest googling your symptoms, even asking AI. Don’t catastrophise, most of the things on the internet are rather serious and highly unlikely, but it is important to be informed so you can question and challenge your doctors. There are many times I wish I had done more research.

Then, there is the after-research. Look into everything that the doctor says, research alternative medicine if you are into that, before taking the antibiotics, check the side effects, question the need for them, look into preventative measures to minimise risks, like probiotics or particular exercises.

When it comes to women’s health, too, don’t stop at a basic Google; either read the medical journals or get on social media and find the real-life stories. Remember, people share more of the horror stories than the positive ones, but check the comments. There are plenty of people willing to disagree with a statement made online, and see where the balance lies.

The thing is, I think women are underrepresented in medical studies, well, it’s not my thought, it’s a fact! So, find women who have experienced these things, and check out their reactions to the medicine or treatment.

Unfortunately, if you are looking into contraception, everybody reacts differently, so you will have to do some level of trial and error, but it is important to know what to look out for.

Make your boundaries clear

It is important to set your boundaries with your doctor. Take your time to answer questions, call ahead and explain that you may need an exam, so you will need a double appointment, or go private if you can, so you have more time.

Whatever it is you need, speak up about it, and be frank. I don’t know of a single doctor who isn’t frank with us, so why should we be delicate in ensuring our needs are met? We don’t need to be rude, but we should at least match their assertive firmness.

Know your options

Just because the doctor suggests something doesn’t make it a fact. You can get a second opinion, you can go away and think about it, you can take the script and fill it in later. Take the time you need to think about your options, to look into what the doctor has said or suggested, and know you have options. There are so many avenues to pursue health; don’t settle for what one doctor thinks.

No one will look after your health as well as you do, so honour it!

You are the patient, and doctors are there to serve us; that is why they are paid, just as a waitress is. We often forget when we are in that room with the doctor; we are the customer.

Advocate for yourself! Ask for what you need, ask for multiple referrals or know who you want to be referred to when you go in and ask for that. Ask, ask, ask! If they say no, ask why; if they don’t provide a good enough reason, find someone else.

It can be hard to advocate for yourself, give yourself some grace

It is hard to follow your own advice. Ironically, I began this article this afternoon, and somewhere between ‘take a support person’ and ‘do your research’, I discovered I have a rectal prolapse!

I was so angry at myself, at my doctors – I had to watch some TV to distract myself before I started writing again.

About six months ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture and a suspected twist in my ovary. Since then, I have noticed bulging in my perineum and occasionally, a small lump around my sphincter.

About a month after it happened, I went to my local GP. She examined me. I explained my history and also complained about the feeling of urgency when I needed to go to the toilet, as well as other signifying symptoms.

She said it wasn’t anything, some infection, I think, and to take antibiotics. I did not. I didn’t feel the need for antibiotics; I knew it wasn’t an infection. But ultimately, I assumed that it must have just been a haemorrhoid, and I believed the doctor.

If I am honest with myself, I knew more was going on. Life was busy, the doctor didn’t seem concerned, and there wasn’t any pain. So, I let it slip by. I let her clearly incorrect diagnosis stand. Now, I have realised, it’s been a prolapse happening this whole time.

I am so angry at the doctors for not taking me seriously when I discussed the bulge. I am so angry that they didn’t ask more. A woman in her 20s should not be complaining about urgency. A woman in her 20s with no children should not be complaining about haemorrhoids, swelling, or bulging. They should have taken more history, asked more questions. Not just put it down to an infection, which I knew it wasn’t!

When the doctor asked if I wanted her to inspect me, I said yes. However, she didn’t even give me time to comprehend that she was going to use a speculum before it was in me.

With my history of endometriosis, this type of thing is extremely painful for me. I felt unprepared and violated. And I remember going back to work, my boss asking if I was okay, and bursting into tears because the whole appointment had been such a whirlwind!

I am angry at myself.

I am angry that I didn’t take a notebook.

I am angry that I didn’t take a support person.

I am angry that I didn’t push for more answers, insist it wasn’t an infection.

I am angry I didn’t advocate for myself.

With all my experience, all my preparations, all my caution when it comes to visiting the doctors, this time, I went in unprepared and I was assaulted by a speculum and insulted by the doctor!

Now six months later and my ass is literally hanging out. Well, I’m doing my research now. Google says surgery is inevitable. I won’t accept that. I am going to research the shit out of this (pun intended) before I go and do that.

I feel failed by my doctors right now. I feel powerless, small, useless and weak. But I shouldn’t.

I am not a doctor, nor should I have to be to survive being a woman in this world.

I will simply let this be a lesson to never let my guard down with doctors again, not even for a script for Panadol (I don’t think you can get that, but you know what I mean).

Advocate for yourself

It can be really hard to advocate for yourself as a woman. Especially when it comes to contraception or anything to do with women’s health.

Most doctors seem to hand out the pill like candy, and few provide enough information on it to actually constitute informed consent. I think there’s a reason I went viral on TikTok when I showed the reality of getting my Mirena removed. It wasn’t because my filming quality was good – it was because my content was entirely too relatable.

Advocating for yourself shouldn’t be necessary. Women shouldn’t have to take all these measures to protect their health. But unfortunately, until the entire medical system changes, it is we who need to change.

We need to become warriors, armed with notepads, friends by our sides and an internet degree in whatever it is we are about to ask the doctor for.

It is a lot of work needing to be an expert in everything, but unless you have a miraculously good doctor who is kind, attentive, thorough and also a saint, I suggest you sort out how to manage these visits.

Too many women are abused by the medical system, and I am sick of it. Even with my experience, I am sat here today with my ass falling out because even I wasn’t careful enough. It is not good enough, let’s demand better!

If you feel like you need more support to advocate for yourself at the doctor, I have something for you.

Maybe you are neurodivergent like me and find it hard to keep track and remember everything. Maybe you just shut down because of fear, anxiety and stress after years of mistreatment. Maybe you just realise that doctors aren’t these magical creatures who know what is best for your body.

I have a full checklist with scripts and places to edit your concerns, make sense of your thoughts before, during and after the appointment, and ensure you can advocate for yourself at the doctors!

Get Your Free Guide

What you will get in the Free Doctor‑Visit Checklist

Ever leave an appointment thinking “Wait… I didn’t ask half my questions, I forgot the referral, and the doctor didn’t answer my question”?
This printable, neurodivergent‑friendly document walks you through how to advocate for yourself at every stage so that never happens again.

Inside you’ll get:

• Before‑the‑visit prompts – space to write why you’re going, your top 1‑3 concerns, and the boundary you want to hold
• Conversation scripts – polite‑but‑firm lines to redirect interruptions or push back on “It’s probably just stress”
• Plain‑language questions – easy sentences to ask for test explanations, result print‑outs, and next steps
• During‑visit checkpoints – quick reminders so you don’t freeze mid‑consult (“Finish your story first.”)
• After‑visit debrief + tracker – space to note follow‑ups, next‑action dates, and who’s holding you accountable
• Sensory‑friendly layout – icons, soft colours, and big open lines so you’re not visually overwhelmed

Print it, keep it in your Notes app, or hand it straight to your support person on the day — your call.