I used to overthink everything. If you’re searching for how to stop overthinking decisions, you’re in the right place! I couldn’t put a grocery list together without a full back and forth, deciding on a restaurant would take me an hour, and God help me if I actually needed to spend money!
The advice to ‘chill out’ or ‘relax’ was just infuriating, and people saying ‘it doesn’t matter’ was even worse.
What I found to actually work, and the real key to how to stop overthinking decisions, was to restructure the way I thought about life, not the way I thought about decisions.
When you decide that everything you do is working for you, that every choice you make is the right one simply because it is you that made it — everything changes. This feeling of autonomy and deep self-trust washes over you and you stop worrying and start living.
Why Do We Overthink Every Decision?
Overthinking is just an attempt at control. Control is simply fear. The thing about living a beautiful life filled with love, grace, and acceptance is that none of these things exist where there is fear. Think about it.
Why love cannot exist where there is fear:
– When you have had a relationship that you feared losing, no doubt you were clingy and drove the person away.
– When you tried to make something perfect, so fearful the outcome wouldn’t be good enough, no doubt you hated the process and the product didn’t bring you joy.
– When you flip-flopped about a decision because you feared making the wrong one, so much so that when you finally decided, no doubt it felt like defeat rather than autonomy.
Humans like certainty. It is natural. Those who are neurodivergent often desire it even more. I know that I can get particularly dysregulated when my expectations are not met by reality. Planning, organising and overthinking can make me feel like I have some semblance of power over my otherwise chaotic experience of life.
But it never works. It just makes the process painful and the outcome often miserable.
What Does Analysis Paralysis Actually Cost You?
Analysis paralysis is exhausting — and the cost is bigger than just lost time.
I used to spend a whole day deciding what shows to see at the annual Fringe Festival in Adelaide. There are over 3,000 shows presented at various venues around Adelaide for a whole month. I would scour almost all of them, for fear of missing one that I really wanted to see. I would spend hours reading the bios, watching the trailers, putting them in a shortlist and then mapping them all out on a calendar — only to be entirely overwhelmed by the choices, their conflicting times, and my inability to prioritise or decide between them.
Even after all that work, when I went, I still didn’t feel satisfied. I wasn’t excited that I was going to everything I had decided was truly important to me. I felt what I had felt during the process; the fear, uncertainty, doubt, confusion and indecision – those emotions were so strong they carried over into the wonderful shows I went to see.
Getting pulled on stage at Adelaide Fringe — proof that saying yes always beats overthinking it.
The Fringe Festival is just one example, but I used to do this with almost everything. I still struggle to make choices sometimes, but the process is just a bit different now.
I would agonise over:
– What to eat that week
– What to bulk cook
– What car to buy
– What friends to invite over
– Where to go for lunch
– When I should go to the cinema
– Whether I should go to dance despite a sore throat
– Should I buy something I had wanted for literally 15 years
– Whether I had time for the beach that day
– Was it wise to plan two social events in one day
It was literally everything. It was my way of life. No wonder I was always so burnt out and exhausted. I felt like I was carrying the quantum realm of infinite possibilities in my head at all times.
How Do You Stop Needing to Control Everything?
I decided to accept myself exactly as I was, in every moment. I decided to view myself as the best version of myself, because if a better version existed, then of course I would be her — therefore, in every moment, I was perfectly imperfect, flawlessly flawed and, most of all, always growing and evolving. For more on self-acceptance read Why I Finally Started Feeling Good Enough
This idea of growth didn’t mean I was like a tree striving for the sunlight. The tree does not get frustrated that it isn’t tall enough — it simply is as it is at every moment, and simultaneously, in every moment, growing.
What changed wasn’t just learning to ‘let go’ or ‘relax’ about things. That works about as well as telling a woman to ‘calm down.’ What changed was my entire outlook on life.
If love cannot exist where there is fear, then how was I meant to experience a life filled with love if I was constantly fearful?
These decisions lost their love when I overcomplicated them.
If I was exactly the best version of myself that I could ever be, then it didn’t matter what I chose, because it would always be perfect.
Now, this doesn’t mean I was flippant. If I were to buy a car tomorrow, I would do my homework, find something that suits my lifestyle, take it for a test drive, and feel what I liked best. It simply means I don’t worry about the negative repercussions so much. Can I control whether it breaks down tomorrow? No. Can I do my best to ensure I buy a car with a good history so it is less likely to break down tomorrow? Yes. Then that is simply all I can do.
How to Stop Overthinking Decisions in Everyday Life
When it comes to how to stop overthinking decisions, I found five principles that changed everything:
– Trust: Deeply trust that you will make the right decision, because you do know what is best for you.
– Space: Give yourself time — not to overthink, but to feel what you truly desire.
– Detach: Accept the potential negative outcomes of your choices. You may lose an opportunity, or you may wish you hadn’t taken it. Both are ultimately okay.
– Choose: Know that whatever you decide is your best. It is the best you can do with the information you have and the feelings you experience.
– Love: If there is fear, there is no love. Ensure your choice brings you joy and that the process is filled with grace, not force.
I recently bought a second-hand crossbody Louis Vuitton handbag. I adore LV bags — I have a few tried and true. I wear them to death; they are super functional and they never wear out. I found this perfectly sized crossbody bag in a consignment store, but it was still a lot of money I hadn’t exactly budgeted for. I took photos, put everything from my current bag into it to test it out, wore it around the store for a good 20 minutes whilst looking at other bags, and then walked away.
I always sleep on things because too much of what we buy is impulsive. If you are not still thinking about it the next day, there is no point buying it.
The problem was, the next day I was leaving back to Adelaide. I took a card, noted the bag details and left the store desperately wanting it, but knowing that if I really wanted it and decided it was a good choice, I’d find a way.
I mentally catalogued a few options: my cousin could buy it and I’d pick it up next time I was back; I could buy it online and have the store hold it; or I could wait until I returned and see if I still loved it, and if it was gone, there would be others.
Placing these three options in my head gave me power over my thoughts and my fears. I was not walking away from something I couldn’t have if I wanted it. I was walking away from impulsive shopping, with three perfectly reasonable paths forward.
I thought about the bag quite a bit. I called my husband to talk it through, spoke to my cousin with excitement, and when I boarded the plane for Adelaide, I missed it. The difference was, I wasn’t worried, I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t justifying. I was simply letting my thoughts, feelings and emotions rise to the surface and trusting that I had made the right decision in that moment — and that I would continue to do so.
When I got home, I decided to wait until I returned before buying it. Buying it online felt desperate. Getting my cousin to collect it felt like outsourcing half the fun. This way, I could experience the joy of walking in, comparing it against my memory, and buying it if it still measured up. And if it was gone — well, there would be other bags.
A month later, I returned to the store and it was still there. I put it across my body and it felt just right; that Goldilocks feeling. I swiped my card and felt joy, excitement and love, but also a deep sense of trust in myself.
I had acknowledged myself. I had given myself space to think and the detachment of potential loss without any fear. This left nothing but love. When I went to buy the bag, that is all there was — love for myself, and love for this bag.
Can You Trust the Process Without Losing Your Edge?
Learning how to stop overthinking decisions doesn’t mean becoming passive, it means releasing the obsessive need to forecast every outcome.
Struggling with decisions is often less about worrying which direction is best, and more about projecting your mind into the future, mapping all these potential paths and assessing which will be best.
You. Cannot. Tell. The. Future.
You can look ahead, see what is likely in store and adjust accordingly. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know a car with 400,000 km on the odometer is going to need more maintenance than one with 60,000 km. What you cannot know is whether that 60,000 km car is, in fact, a lemon that will break down the month after you buy it.
You can only know what you know, and do what you do.
It is about accepting those limitations and trusting what feels right to you. When you act without fear, you will almost always choose the right path.
This doesn’t mean choosing out of emotionally reactive love — if the 400,000 km car is your dream ride, it’s probably still best you don’t pick it. It simply means that when you remove the doubt in yourself and simply decide you will make the right choice, all your decisions become easier.
What Letting Go of Control Actually Looks Like
Letting go of control started, for me, with letting go of the idea that I needed to have it all figured out right now.
Letting go and letting be is as much about self-acceptance, trust and self-love as it is about reducing overthinking. When you accept yourself fully and know who you are, many decisions become simple.
I recently planted vegetables in my garden. They are currently sitting in pots, laid on cardboard matting on dying weeds and depleted dirt out the back. It looks terrible. But do you know what?
I don’t care.
Why? Because I know that when the summer heat abates, I will get some help designing the most perfect layout; highly functional and beautifully arranged. I know I don’t have the skill to do this alone. I have tried and failed, and that is okay. So, I will get help.
No sooner did I accept this than I met a landscaper who offered his help. I am still to action it, but that too is fine. I know it will get done exactly when it’s ready. It will be organised before winter when it becomes necessary. So why would I spend a single worried thought on it now?
All I need to do is invite him over when I have a window of free time and get his advice.
Trust. Acceptance. Love.
There is no fear that it won’t get done. There is no doubt that I will do it wrong. It simply is as it is, and I now know myself well enough to trust that I will get there.
FAQ Section
What is analysis paralysis and how do you overcome it?
Analysis paralysis is when you attempt to make a decision by analysing every possible option and its potential future merits and shortcomings — like a game of chess — until you wind up with too many options and complete inaction. You overcome it by accepting yourself as you are right now, deciding that no matter your choice you have done your best, and moving forward with trust in yourself, and love for the process, rather than fear of the outcome.
How do I stop overthinking small decisions?
The first step in learning how to stop overthinking decisions, big or small, is to accept that many of them don’t matter. Not in a flippant or dismissive way, but simply that if you are fulfilled in who you are, what you choose to do, whether it succeeds or fails, doesn’t really matter. It is that feeling of self-acceptance and trust within yourself that makes these choices easy, not any smart planning or organising.
Is it okay to take your time making big decisions?
Absolutely — so long as you are doing it with detachment and grace, not fear and worry. There is no point taking your time if you are constantly anxious about the potential negative effects, because then you are simply filling the experience with more doubt and fear. Understand the repercussions of your choice, and if you can accept them, you will have so much more space to decide in your own time. Taking time is not a failing — it is an admirable quality. Worrying about it is the issue.
How do you learn to trust the process?
You learn to love yourself. When you are confident in who you are, every decision you make is just a reflection of that person — one you accept so fully that the process becomes a manifestation of how you choose to live your life. There can be no wrong choices, or even bad choices, if you have made them with the best you had at the time.
Author Bio
Victoria-Rose Paris is an Adelaide-based lifestyle and wellness blogger who writes about mindset, health, travel, neurodiversity and intentional living. After years of anxiety-driven over-planning, she now shares the real, unfiltered shifts that helped her find ease. Navigating life with AuDHD herself, she also writes openly about neurodiversity — read AuDHD Identity: You Are More Than Enough. Find her weekly blog posts and daily content on Instagram and TikTok.