Clothing is a conversation: for when your outfit needs to speak louder than your words, but your brain won’t pick anything to wear, you need a neurodivergent wardrobe.

Knowing what to wear as a neurodivergent person is like trying to understand trigonometry at four years old.

Clothing is my conversation, but sometimes, neurodivergence makes that language impossible to speak. Whether it be because of executive dysfunction, sensory issues or decision making. If you struggle with any of this, or you can’t rely on your body because of hormonal fluctuations, you have to design yourself a neurodivergent wardrobe.

When Getting Dressed Feels Impossible

It is so frustrating to want to say something with my outfit and being limited by my sensory needs. It’s like having the best speech prepared without an audience, or worse, meeting someone for the first time and forgetting your name.

If you struggle with the paradox of wanting to wear your feelings, to communicate through clothes, yet sometimes become paralysed and unable to leave the house because nothing feels right or will work for the situation, let me help you build your neurodivergent wardrobe.

Clothing as a Language

I love clothing – it is an expression of self, a language, a way of communicating with the world how I feel and what I think and who I am. Something necessary when many things you say are either construed as blunt, socially unacceptable or stand-off-ish. I need a way to express who I am to this neurotypical world, because my blatant honesty and personal stories in response to others never seem to land well. A neurodivergent wardrobe helps me think straight and communicate who I am whilst respecting my neurodivergent needs.

Communicating Through Clothing

Clothing to me is my way of engaging with people without a word being said or an inevitable misinterpretation made. My clothes tell people how I feel, what I am thinking and who I am without needing to stumble with poor introductions.

Psychologically, we all judge each other. All the time! We use millions of pieces of information to perceive and analyse someone and put them in a nice little box in our brain.

Brain boxes are important; without them, I would assume one would go crazy. But despite everyone doing it to everyone, we all hate the idea of being confined to one box.

The main things we use to judge another person are clothing, language and body language.

Now, autistic people like me can struggle with, well, all of these social norms. So, I say, throw the rule book out, and communicate as yourself! No point setting expectations of yourself as a person who isn’t entirely and authentically you.

What do you want to say with your clothes?

Different Context, Different Clothes  

Now, despite being a vivacious but princess-styled professional dresser, I have so many different vibes and styles I like to engage with. Some days I want to look like a cooperate lawyer whilst others a hippy mum – it ranges significantly.

I am not here to tell neurodivergent people to find a style and stick to it. Because, especially those with ADHD, can you even imagine how boring that would be? But it is an option if you do want to simplify the majority of your wardrobe.

This dress aligns with my core A-line style, but it says that little bit more about me when I am feeling fun!

What is Your Core Style?

My main style is a conservative A-line dress for the following reasons:

• It complements the shape of my body shape.
• The style allows for dresses with pockets, making bags unnecessary.
• They are often soft and flowy, so nothing sticks or is tight on my body.
• The waistline is flattering, yet I can still have endo belly, and no one would see how bloated I am.
• I find the mental load of dresses just so much easier; I also don’t have to match anything other than shoes, and depending on the weather, a cardigan or jacket.

Matching Your Core Style

Now, having a core style is great, it’s like having a safe food. Reliable, comfortable and perfect for most situations. Having a core style is easy because it allows you to mix and match more readily. For example, the majority of my cardigans come to the waist, not the hips, which means they all look good with my A-line dresses. My jackets similarly come in at the waist rather than the straight down look, so they too fit nicely over my dresses.

If your core style is tight pants and flowy tops, you know you’ll need to buy flowy jumpers. However, if your style is flowy pants and skirts with tight tops, you likely need those fitted cardigans and jackets so you don’t look drowned in too much fabric.

Although I rarely wear skirts because I hate having to match them to tops, when I do, I continue to ensure they fit with my a-line style. Most of my cardigans or jackets would pair fine with this outfit because of its shape. Also, it gets extra points for being a set.

Deviating From Your Core Style

But what about when you are feeling a bit more adventurous, what about when you want to wear something else?

Sometimes I want to feel sexy, and no matter how many flowy dresses I own, nothing says sexy as much as a slinky dress in my mind. Now this is where it gets tricky.

Deviating from your style works best when you absolutely love the outfit, or when you make adjustments to suit your needs.

For example, I couldn’t just wear any old slinky dress, or I would feel uncomfortable, I would feel out of place, uncertain, and despite having a wonderful body, I would never be able to grapple with the idea that the dress is clinging to my thighs. Even when I want to wear a slinky dress, I need one that fits my sensory and body-image needs. I will generally prefer it to go straight down from the hips rather than tulip-ing, which makes me uncomfortable.

The other consideration for my style is my bloated stomach. As someone with endometriosis, I can fluctuate heavily. So, if I am going to wear a slinky dress, it needs to somehow distract from my stomach in case I am looking six months pregnant whilst enjoying my glass of champagne on my date. This means that it needs some structure or texture to it. Regarding a slinky dress, leather is good because it has a stiff quality that wouldn’t bulge with my belly, or maybe rouging, which drapes slightly so you don’t notice such a bump.

Whatever your style is, and whatever you want to branch out to. Just ensure that whatever usually pulls you away from that other style is accommodated for. If you usually wear tight pants but are going flared, consider flares from the bottom only. If you are usually a skinny dress girl but want flowy, consider a straighter cut from the hips rather than the waist. Ensure that whatever you are changing still meets your needs.

Building Your Wardrobe so it’s Neurodivergent Friendly

There are a few things to consider when getting dressed as someone who is neurodivergent.

1. Sensory input – fabric, feel, style, temperature
2. Executive dysfunction – easy to match and style
3. Safe clothes – a pile of ‘can’t go wrong’ outfits that will work in a meltdown

Let’s go through each one.

Creating a Neurodivergent Wardrobe – Feel and Fabric

Whatever you buy, ensure it is soft and comfortable. If you are even slightly uncomfortable, itchy, prickly, or attacked by some tag that won’t cut off properly, don’t buy it!

I have some long-sleeved tops with a fluffy inside that are the best in winter! They feel like you’re inside a dressing gown, yet on the outside, they just look like plain tops.

Cotton, Linen, Bamboo and Silk

• Cotton is always a good bet, especially when it’s woven well.
• Linen, I have found, is often too scratchy, but you can find very soft weaves in linen which are great for summer.
• Bamboo is a great one too because it’s breathable, but often ultra soft.
• Silk, which is beautiful if woven softly, is breathable, light and very comfortable.

These can be more of a hassle in your neurodivergent wardrobe because of the extra steps involved in wearing them, due to ironing or steaming, but they are great for summer and can be layered.

Synthetic Fibres

A lot of the plastic fabrics, polyester, viscose, etc, are soft and comfortable, but they don’t breathe so well and can make you feel trapped in their heat. They will smell more and trap the body odour into the fabric. They rarely need ironing and often are in more of the stretchy fabrics we wear, like stockings, track pants, jeggings, etc., but be mindful of where the fabric comes from. I am slowly trying to move away from synthetic fibres in my neurodivergent wardrobe, but it does take time. I suggest second-hand or good quality items that you will wear for a long time to minimise the environmental impact.

Animal Fibres

Unfortunately, I find natural fibres like wool and even cashmere intolerable – but you can be the judge of that. They are much better for the environment than the microplastic creating clothing, but if you find it itchy, you’re just wasting the sheep’s time. Please let me know in the comments below if you manage to have many wool items in your neurodivergent wardrobe, because I am genuinely curious if I am just buying the wrong kind of products.

Creating a Neurodivergent Wardrobe – Temperature

The first thing I consider is temperature. I generally run cold, which means that I need lots of layers. I don’t even live in a cold climate, yet in winter I will wear a singlet, long sleeve top, cardigan, jumper and then a jacket if it even looks like I’m going outside for any sustained period.

I would be ill-suited to those New York New Years where women wear stockings and dresses. I’d be there in ski gear!

If you are like me, prioritise undergarments, and if, like me, you live in Australia. Don’t buy them here. Get them from Europe. Just as Australian houses aren’t insulated properly, we don’t know how to make warm undergarments either.

Undergarments for dresses can be warm slips, as well as stockings and leggings. Just be mindful that (depending on your sensory needs) something like stockings can be very tight and uncomfortable.

Creating a Neurodivergent Wardrobe – Style

Much like we discussed above, if you have a style, stick to it. Unless there is some specific reason where you truly know you are going to wear this very different garment. It is probably best to leave it on the shelf. The more clothing you have that matches, the better off you are in reducing your executive function, working memory and decision making, creating the best neurodivergent wardrobe possible.

The Executive Dysfunction of Creating Outfits

Executive dysfunction — the challenge of organising, planning or initiating tasks — makes outfit planning feel impossible some days. Especially when you bring a new baby home and you don’t know how it plays with the others.  

Even though I already own many A-line dresses, I recently bought two more, and I still don’t know how to layer them. They both have tight waists but are long. The orange one has flowy shoulders, so I can’t put my tight cardigans over the top, and my green/blue one doesn’t match any of the blue jackets I own. I am wondering if maybe a contrast would be better. They will be fine, but for now, they sit lonely and unmatched in my neurodivergent wardrobe.

It is important to have clothing that you can readily mix and match. Whether this be through colours, for example, cool colours like blues and greys, or autumn colours like browns and oranges. Or your style should match, if you predominantly own tight pants and flowy tops, you will know the majority will go with each other. But if you have a mix of both, it can be more challenging to compare and contrast them.

Having the best neurodivergent wardrobe is about aligning your wants with your needs.

Have Safe Outfits in your Neurodivergent Wardrobe

Finally, the best piece of advice I have is to have a handful of different outfits for various settings that you go to. They need to be comfortable, happy clothes in your neurodivergent wardrobe that you can wear again and again.

My neurodivergent wardrobe is made up of so many outfits that fit a particular situation. I have worn the same black dress to multiple parties because, despite being my mum’s unusual Charlie Brown hand-me-down, which is entirely too gothic for my style, it works with so many themes.

I have been Sweeney Todd’s wife at Halloween, Lucy Barker. I have been a pirate on a boat trip. A witch on a different Halloween. And if there was a Harry Potter party going round, I would easily be Bellatrix Lestrange. This is my ‘dress up outfit’ that goes with everything. And I have no shame wearing it over and over again. Because honestly, most people are far too focused on themselves to notice you’re wearing the same thing unless you are some kind of celebrity. And even then, you should get use out of your clothes anyway.  

Similarly, I have a dress I wear over and over when hosting dinners at home. It is bright red, so better for being in the kitchen with. Super comfortable in case we end up on the couch, but smart and pretty.

I have a ‘cinema outfit’ for winter. A pair of smart jeggings that don’t crumple under my knee, and a jumper that fits under a jacket for going in and out, but also for feeling comfortable in.

I also have two summer dresses which are the same in different colours, which I wear to death anytime I leave the house. They are perfect for a day shopping, lunch with friends or even the beach.

Having some staple clothing items makes these moments much easier. And although I like to wear my whole neurodivergent wardrobe, not just 20% of it. It allows me the space on overstimulated days to get out of the house without hassle.

Creating Your Own Neurodivergent Wardrobe

So, what tricks do you implement to express yourself with clothing? What do you want to focus on in your neurodivergent wardrobe? How do you engage with the world through what you wear? And what are your sensory issues, style choices or safe outfits do you have? Let me know in the comments – I would love to hear from you!