Have you ever heard of a womb massage? I hadn’t, until a friend recommended it for my endometriosis.

A womb massage is a nurturing, supportive practice that focuses on massaging the external area of your female reproductive system. It isn’t internal, but it does involve gentle massage across your lower pelvis, stomach, and hip bones. Womb massage for fertility is a common practice, and many people with endometriosis or those wanting to reconnect with their feminine energy also find it beneficial.

Now if you just want to read about the womb massage, scroll down and I’ll put a little heading or something because I am about to go off on a tangent, an appropriate, contextual tangent, that I would love you to read. But if you are just here for the recipe, I understand how you don’t care about how I found out that I needed to add two eggs over one, and how this batch of cookies brings back memories of my grandmother.

Endometriosis, Emotions, and the Body

I have endometriosis. Although often mistaken for a hormonal disease, endometriosis is actually an inflammatory condition. Hormones do play a massive part it in, though. I experience cripplingly painful periods, nausea and in the past, vomiting from something as simple as a food smell (like a pregnant woman does), stabbing pains in my chest like I’ve been shot, fatigue, (not tiredness), fatigue, and unparalleled incontrollable hormonal moods.

These hormonal mood fluctuations can look like some of the following:

• I will see a puppy and start crying because one day that puppy is going to grow up and the owners won’t love it anymore, and it will be neglected and unloved and then it will just be a sad old dog.

• I will get upset at my husband for walking too loudly.

• After a brisk walk through the city, as I approach the red pedestrian light (which I didn’t cognitively know I was anticipating because my body wanted to stop and rest), and it goes green upon arrival; rather than be excited I don’t have to lose my canter, I will almost tear up because I really wanted to stop for a moment.

You’ve seen those videos about parents complaining about their children who are throwing tantrums because they didn’t get the blue cup, and then when they are given the blue cup throw it away because ‘how dare it be blue, I meant orange’.

That is how I can feel. Except unlike a toddler, it is unacceptable for me to throw, cry or tantrum.

However, this is going to change. I am on a mission to restore my health, heal my hormones and, in time, have a baby. So, I am trying anything and everything out there to do just that, including a womb massage.

For some context, I believe that emotions are stored in our body, and women especially store many of ours in our reproductive organs. Of course, they are our root of femininity, of creativity (we make life there). However, this seems to be also where we store shame, guilt and our suppressive feelings from living within the stifling nature of a masculine world.

I feel that I am in touch with that intuition that connects us with our bodies, that many of us have buried; that my endometriosis has strong links to energetic elements and causes.

Of course, there is the physical – I also believe that endometriosis has links with the toxic world we live in and all the ways in which we tamper with the natural order of things.

This is not to say that all medical conditions can be healed through emotional or energetic work alone, but I do think that for me, my endometriosis has strong emotional, metaphysical, energetic causes, and if you can heal yourself energetically, your body will have a much better time managing things chemically, biologically and all the other -allys.

Body says NO

Knowing that I was about to uncover and hopefully release some of the stored trauma and emotions I have been keeping inside my reproductive organs, I felt an overwhelming resistance to going. I was extremely nervous about it. I truly did not want to go.

It was if my body was finding ways to avoid it.

I got a cold, and had to reschedule. It was way too early in the season for a cold, and frustrating that I was so unwell I couldn’t go.

My bodies avoidance mechanism working perfectly.

And, in its perfect way, yes the cold was legitimate, but it was also the shortest cold I have ever experienced. Very poor health for three days, and then lingering misery, but realistically I didn’t feel terrible for the usual 10 days of winging.

I think this is because, in part, I did a few things.

• Firstly, as soon as I was sick, I stopped everything. I ‘took to bed’ like my Irish ancestors. I spent two days in bed resting entirely. I loaded up on broth and soup and practically ate garlic raw. By the time I had to return to work I was nine parts garlic, one part orange juice.

• Secondly, I acknowledged that this cold was my bodies avoidance system kicking in. I often find I get sick because of a few things; I am overwhelmed, exhausted or unhappy with my current situation and my body has learnt at a young age that the only way to get out of doing things you don’t want to do, is to be sick.

• Thirdly, whilst I honoured its wishes and rested, I also connected to a deep sense of acceptance in side of me. I spent time there assuring myself that it doesn’t need to get sick to avoid things. I told it that I am going to do what is best for it, and sometimes that will be scary but it doesn’t need to protect me with illness anymore. I also accepted that it was doing its best job, that it was trying to look after me, and rather than be angry and frustrated, I thanked it – albeit counter intuitively.

Of course, this is all to say that the universe is a magical place where time and space, intentions and karma, manifestation and vibration all align with our actions, our interactions and our immune system so that we magically contract a virus. But that can be a bit mind-boggling so for now, let’s just say, I felt as if I contracted that cold to avoid going to the womb massage. My body didn’t want to deal with the healing journey where I would face those things that had been festering inside of me.

Still, I knew deep down I had to face this, so I rescheduled immediately, locking in a new date – I was not allowing my cold to stop me from committing to this. I knew it was necessary, and if my body didn’t want to go that much, there was certainly something there.

Doing it anyway

The day of the womb massage came and I felt terrified, I couldn’t focus, I felt anxious and I even experienced visceral reactions. As I was getting ready to leave, I felt weak and gross like before I get my blood taken (I am a fainter).

It was the apprehension of before a test mixed with the gross and unpleasant dread of eating a food you abhor and going on a ride that will make you throw up and scare your past the point of fun.

My body was screaming at me, DON’T GO. These racing thoughts of avoidance, fear, sweat, and then, pain. I began experiencing lower abdominal pain; a dull cramping, throbbing inside like a mild but heavily uncomfortable period. It felt like the Mirena (my IUD) was trying to exit my uterus, there was this pushing from inside of me and just so much fear.  

I drove to the appointment anyway, across town, I hate going across town – the roads are stupid. I was stressed. Everyone was driving like a moron.

‘Stay in your lane!” I would shout as I grunted and huffed all the way there.

I was ahead of schedule, yet somehow barely made it on time.

I sat in my car. I collected myself.

I got out, locked my car, walked across the street, couldn’t remember if I had locked my car, locked it again. I didn’t know if I should press the bell at the gate or go to the front door. I did both.

I pressed the bell at the gate, felt like I waited forever. More likely it was somewhere around 10 seconds, and then I approached the porch.

Creating the Space

The womb massage lady was called Leilani, not that I could remember that for nerves. She obviously does so much more than just womb massages, but at this stage, that is all I knew of. Her practice was an old home, double brick, the kind that is cold in winter but nice in summer.

She led me into her sanctum, a beautiful room filled with warm deep colours, reds, browns, deep greens. There were tapestries on the walls, multiple ceremonial drums hanging from one, woven fabrics lining the area. A fireplace set out like a shrine, with these figures of females heavily pregnant, glowing somehow, even though they were just clay. There were crystals dotted around, half burnt white sage in a saucer, and a teapot and thick mugs that looked like they came from Tibet.

Leilani oozed hippy, baggy pants, crop top, body hair, headscarf, a joyful face, caring eyes and a warmth that would make you want to join in dancing around a fire if she had invited you.

I hope this isn’t painting an unfair ‘hippy’ picture. She was in no way out of touch with society – she was just clearly in touch with her femininity, nature and her inner strength and health. And in her case, that looked like natural fibres and Kim Possible pants.

Leilani offered me tea, Blue Lotus, something that opens your intuition up and your feminine energy or something? I accepted as I felt I needed to have something to warm me, and also something to hold on to with my nervous idle hands. We sat on the couch and she asked me what I wanted to get out of today’s womb massage.

I rambled; I had thought a lot about it but I hadn’t thought about it in such a way where it was a succinct goal. Ultimately, I concluded that I wanted to connect with my feminine energy.

I wanted to release any trauma and negative emotions stored in my womb. I wanted to tell my reproductive organs that they are loved, they are supported, they are accepted and appreciated, and that I will be looking after them more.

Then we talked about the shame and guilt I felt there. We discussed how I wanted to step into my feminine power but I didn’t even know what that looked like. The things I associated with femininity were actually just being a good wife. That version of femininity has been written by men, so it isn’t in touch with my true power anyway.

We spoke about my female role models being strong single women, and how that in itself was quite masculine. My mum had to be in her masculine often because my dad wasn’t around much, and then later, my step dad was sick. She had to sort, organise, plan, regulate, even chop wood.

I wanted to embrace my femininity but I didn’t even know how. I had never seen a strong female in her feminine energy. I had only seen females being strong in their masculine.

The Womb Massage Experience

After our chat, I lay on the massage table. Leilani began by massaging my whole body, and spent some time on this grief point between my shoulder blades. Ironically, it was an area that had been causing problems my whole life, but especially the prior six months, I had kept going back to health practitioners because it just kept hurting. This massage finally released it in a different way. It moved and shifted, it felt it soften under her hands.

Then she rolled me over and began on my stomach and under my ribs. Under my ribs is where I often feel chest pains which come and go cyclically, often in line with my ovulation.

Sometimes they feel like a quick stitch; other times, they twist and burn like a hot poker, making me writhe in pain for up to five minutes. Sometimes they hit so fast I will hit the deck like I have been shot (one this happened in the middle of street and my husband had to pick me up and set me on the curb, I couldn’t make it across myself).

This is where she massaged now, and it hurt. It felt like she was moving organs around, there was gurgling, gas, so much movement, so much audible shifting going on. Then my large intestine, which felt like she was massaging a bruise. She went around my belly button, massaging each section like it was a piece of pie, moving from one section to the next.

Then she moved down to my reproductive area, my womb, my ovaries. When she pressed around my right ovary I began to cry, it came on so suddenly, I cried, and then after maybe one minute, I stopped as quickly as I had begun. I could feel this great sense of resistance still, fear trapped in me, wanting to guard itself, not to soften. But it did.

Finally, she wrapped me tightly in clothes, stretching, bending and shaking me first, cocooning me up from toes to my head. The idea behind this is to centre you in your body. It is useful for new mothers, as after birth they have literally scattered themselves to the wind.

Part of what they were is now existing outside of them, everything has moved and changed, and that creativity that brought life has left. This centres the mother back into her own energy.

For me, it made me feel safe, I felt secure and comforted. Like I was wrapped up in my own mother’s womb. Whilst I lay in the cocoon, frustrated by my busy mind which would usually be better at settling. Leilani played the ceremonial drums around me. I could feel the vibrations moving through me. I wanted her to keep doing it for ever.

After a while, she set me free like a butterfly. I came out of the experience feeling very vulnerable. I wanted to be alone, comforted, safe and warm. I felt quiet (something that I rarely experience). I also had a strong craving for ceremonial cacao, a drink my friend makes which is more than just a hot chocolate. Lalani had some and kindly sent me home with it.

The After Effects of the Womb Massage

That evening, I took it slow, I made the cacao and absolutely ruined it which was disappointing. I had dinner, had a bath and didn’t engage my analytical mind in any way.

The following few days I felt like I was purging years of toxins. I was going to the toilet two, sometimes three times a day. But it didn’t feel like this was unhealthy, it felt like I was getting rid of lots of stored… well… shit.

Even after a week, my bowl movements became better and more regulated. And now, more than a month later I still feel like everything is flowing more freely. My digestion is better and I have had no bad chest pains yet. A few very minor ones, but none any worse than a ten second stitch.

I cannot wait to go again. I do feel I need to spend some time between visits. This is not your ideal weekly massage (if only). This is something special that you need to take the time for, much like a yoga retreat or meditation day. But I know that when it is time, I will feel my way back again.

I am getting better at trusting my intuition. I think it is a powerful element of being female. That link to self, to body, to reflection and knowing. I think that this womb massage helped me get closer to it. And although I didn’t necessarily experience any profound shifts in energy, no specific emotions came up for me, I know that my body felt honoured. I allowed it the space to feel safe and by doing so I think it did let go of a lot of the negative emotions, energies, and whatever else was stored down there.

So, if you want to connect to your feminine power, if you struggle with endometriosis or any other inflammatory or hormonal condition, if you feel you store negative emotions in your reproductive system, or if you want to just connect to yourself more as a woman. I strongly suggest a womb massage.

If you’d like to know more, check out my YouTube channel @victoriaroseparis for the video.